What is temperament?
Temperament is a term used to describe how we approach and react to the world around us. Generally, it's mostly present from birth and can be influenced by genetics, epigenetics, and experiences during pregnancy and early childhood.
There are several ways temperament can be catagorised, for example, reactivity, self-regulation and sociability, or we can further break it down into the following traits:
Activity - Are they content to sit and watch the world or constantly wriggling and desperate to get moving?
Distractability - concentration or focus, how often do they get distracted, how easily they get FOMO
Intensity - the intensity of reactions and emotions, both positive and negative
Regularity - of feeding, sleep, and bodily functions (wees and poos)
Sensitivity - sensory sensitivity to touch, sights, sounds, temperature, textures, etc
Approachability - do they jump straight into a new activity or situation or prefer to hold back and take stock first?
Adaptability - how well can they adapt to new situations and changes in their environment
Persistence - are they easily frustrated, do they move on to a new task when they're struggling or do they stubbornly persist?
Mood - overall mood. Are they generally cheerful, or are they more serious and sombre?
For example, my daughter is highly active, distractable, intense, irregular, sensitive, will hold back initially, is highly adaptable, persistent, and cheerful (very similar to me!). On the other hand, my son is highly active, less distractable, intense, regular, lower sensitivity, highly approachable, less adaptable (he likes things done a particular way and doesn't like unexpected change), persistent, and overall cheerful.
Once we understand temperament, we can consider the "Goodness of Fit", which refers to the match (or mismatch) between a child's temperament and the physical or social-emotional environment in which they live. Temperament is not "good" or "bad; what matters is whether the demands and expectations of a child match their natural temperament.
It can also refer to the fit with a parent's temperament. For example, do we go with the flow, or do we prefer some routine (or a lot)? Do we need to be out and about socialising for our mental health or desire to be by ourselves most of the time; are we persistent and stubborn, or can we be flexible and change our minds easily, yet struggle with consistency; are we particularly sensitive to sensory stimuli and have intense responses when overloaded?
“Goodness of fit does not mean that adult and child temperaments have to match. The parent or caregiver does not have to change who they are. They can simply adjust their caregiving methods to be a positive support to their child’s natural way of responding to the world.” (Center for Early Childhood Mental Health Consultation)
An important thing to note here is that temperament is not something we can change. If your child is a highly active, social child with low regularity, they're probably not going to respond well to a rigid routine. Likewise, suppose your child is highly sensitive, regular and has lower adaptability. In that case, they're more likely to thrive in an environment where things are predictable - regular naps and mealtimes and predictable routines.
This may explain why some children respond very well to “sleep routines”, while others will refuse (loudly) to participate:
It’s not so much the parenting style that created a child who sleeps by the clock; it’s the individual child’s temperament. It may also explain why some children struggle with no routine, while others can adapt to whatever situation they’re in and sleep literally anywhere.
Understanding temperament and the goodness of fit can enable us to work towards being the parent our child needs us to be. Because children have limited capacity to adapt their behaviours and emotional states, they rely on us to mould the environment so it meets their needs. This is easier said than done (!) and so being aware of our own needs and where they differ from those of our tamariki, and making sure our intrinsic needs are met, is paramount
More resources on this topic:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/temperament
https://canvas.highline.edu/courses/1240222/pages/understanding-goodness-of-fit
https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/child-development/understanding-goodness-of-fit/
https://www.ecmhc.org/documents/CECMHC_IT3_Booklet_Infant.pdf
https://www.careforkids.co.nz/child-care-provider-articles/article/413/making-sense-of-child-temperament